Breath-taking is the word

My grandmother was sick, so was my mother and I was over worked. Dad came home and told me we were going to Kashmir. I stood there, trying not to feel too good because i knew it was an impossible plan. 'But dado? the car? your work?'. everything worked out in the end though. We were to leave on thursday, 25th june, at 6pm.

Our first stop was Pindi, my nano's place. Three of my mamos live there. One of them is rather odd. We arrived at around 10pm, had dinner and sat around for a bit. Suddenly everyone got up to go to their respective beds. Knowing I was to sleep downstairs, I said 'lets go upstairs'. Obviously we weren't going to sleep. We just had one night. In comes my wierd mamo. 'Beta, achay buchay raat ko nai jaagte. shaabaash, sou jao ja ke.' So yeah I turned around and went upstairs. My favourite cousin and I sat down to complain about boys and our parents double standards, how marriages were crap and why i had no scars and she seemed to have too many. i was lying awake when a friend messaged to inform me about Michael Jackson's death. dead. Just like that. One image came to my mind in that moment. check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWeyLLzyIUw&feature=related @ 2:47. I haven't seen that much emotion squeezed into a name. Well afterwards we stole food from our mami's fridge and stuffed ourselves. Slept for an hour and in came ama to wake me up. Seven am on Friday, we set out for Kashmir. It was a 5 hour journey from Islamabad. We got lost in Islamabad and luckily found men who had the best sense of direction ever. My dad asks this particularly wise wagon driver 'Rawlakot jane ke liyay kis teref jayien?', and the genius answers 'Gujrat jayein, wahan sey left turn ley lein'. We laughed for half and hour after that. Our first destination was Kahuta. It's the area where the atomic energy plant is located. Apparently it's hidden between mountains. All we could spot were snipers and anti aircrafts along the mountain top. The road that led to Kahuta was smooth and beautiful. Covered with trees on both sides (awsome moment no.1). We stoped for breakfast. The locals were nice enough to play english songs for us. Must've been thinking 'burgers from the city'. There I ate oil with bits of omellete thrown in. Promise.

We continued our journey from there to Rawalakot. In between we stopped for petrol. I really had to pee and there was only a washroom for guys. In the mountain areas, women don't even pee. Thats how cool they are. So i went in and sat down on the comode. Then it started to rain. Actually the shower had automatically opened. Since it had opened automatically, there was no way to shut it down. So i pee'd and took a shower there. came out with the right side of my body wet.

Throughout the way, I could see the damage done by the earthquake. Broken bridges, cracks in houses, land slides. One half of most mountains had broken up. Most of the road was blocked with boulders. I could'nt help but imagine the sound of a hundred mountains cracking, bridges falling, concrete breaking. all within a few seconds.

On the way, we found Kishore Kumar's CD. It was badly scratched but we managed to listen to one complete song. 'Chingari koi bhurke'. It was one of those songs which you've heard many times, you even remember the lyrics and yet, you've never really payed attention to whats being said. So I payed attention and fell in love. (awsome moment no.2).

After 5 long hours, we reached our destination. Lake Banjousa. I have to admit, I was a little disapointed by it when I arrived. I think I was drunk, blind and mentally retarded then. It was beautiful. We went to our rooms, rested for a bit and came out. Our hotel was on a separate hill. There was a path between the woods that led to the lake from our rooms. Hidden between trees, It gave you that feeling of being on an adventure. Met a bunch of ducks. Fed them frenchfries. The food was okay. We couldn't complain though because there was only one hotel in the whole Banjousa area which served food. The menu was 'chanay ki daal, anything with chicken and thats it'. There was Biryani, Kurhai and Broast. So we had kurhai and daal. Both sucked ass. after sufficiently stuffing ourselves, we decided to trek. There was a 1 foot long track along the edge of the lake. In someplaces it was extremely steep and I felt i'd slip and fall into the lake and die but that didn't happen. dad held on to my hand everytime i slipped (awsome moment no.3). Sohaib, my brother, slipped slightly though and ended up wetting is shoe and sock. Gave me a heartattack. At night time, we played pictionary. Me and dad, Sohaib and our cousin. Dad and I lost everytime.

The next morning, dad woke me and mum up at 5 am. it was the perfect time for

photography. I doubt I can explain that scene in words. There was no human being in sight

for miles and miles. Lush green mountains fading in the mist. Clear, sky blue water. Birds

chirping. (awesome moment no. 4). Went further up to the streams which lead to the lake.

The water was ice cold. dad said it'll make me sick so i refrained from diping my feet into it.

I came back then and took a cold cold shower. We prepared to go furthur up the hill to a place

and sadly I can't remember it's name. On the way, we turned on the radio. Due to the height

of the area, we could catch FM 89 signals. Luckily, Michael Jacksons tribute was on (awsome

moment no. 5) It was a tough, steep climb and cars could'nt reach it. At the top, there was a

buffalo. She didn't seem all that happy to see me, considering the wierd

noises she was making. I became all phunay khan and went close, shwoing her my tongue along

the way. They say 'Aqel bhuri ke bhains?' well the bhains was totally larger in this case. I, being

such a genius, did'nt notice where the darned thing was tied, or how long the rope was. So

yeah I was chased to madness. At the very top, we met a local family. Nicets folks around.

They saw us coming and made orange juice for us. They even asked us to stay with them and

have dinner. Mum even made one of the aunties pray for my rishta. Cheap, I know.

It was getting dark so we decided to head back. Drunk though we were from orange

juice, we took the wrong turn and ended up in a starnge place where the road ended entirely.

The road was broken and it was getting dark and I pooped in my pants. Like a toy car, honda

City bounced around on the rocks and I vomited my heart out. We all came back alive though.

Then in the evening we had hot fries near the lake. It was dark though and dad missed a step

on the stairs. He twisted his ankle pretty bad. I pee'd again. We stayed up playing pictionary as

dad rubbed huldi and hot oil on his ankle. It smelled like shit.

On the third day, we were supposed to return home. Dad decided to wake me up early

though. We decided to walk to the lake. It was 7 am. Dad and I rarely go anywhere alone so

this was a complete nature-loving-father-daughter-experience. He photographed, I looked

around. He asked me to pose, I made faces. He climbed rocks with a twisted ankle, my heart

stopped. For the second time in my life, I realised I'd die if anything ever happened to him.

Later everyone woke up and packed to head home. We decided to stop at duriya-e-jhelum

for a bit before we headed to islamabad. When we reached the place, Sohaib decided to climb

down to the edge of the river. I started following, acting all cool and adventurous. Midway, I

suddenly cme back to my senses ans realised the path I was walking to was less then 1 foot wide

and on my right side was the raging river. Beneath my feet was slippery dirt which often slipped

from under my feet. I managed to reach the edge though. The river was dangerously beautiful

(awsome moment no. 6). It was really hot at the time and the rocks there were burning hot. As

soon as i touched the water with my feet, i withrew them however. The water was so cold, It

could freeze you to death within minutes. I turned a deaf ear to my parents screaming from

the top, demanding that we step back. I kept standing for a while, staring at this flat rock

that I felt like sitting on. I decided I should sit and stop being a whuss. The second my bum

touched the rock, a heaver wave came soaked the whole rock. I screamed and got up and

Sohaib laughed his ass off. It was time to head back. Climbing up that foot wide path was harder

I decided to Hold onto the rocks on the side. Just in case. I stepped on the dirt path, midway,

Hld on to the rock (or so I thought). AS soon as i lifted myself, the rock in my hand turned out

to be dirt. It broke off and I slipped. (Awesome moment no.7) I didn't die though. So I didn't

slip all the way down. dad held onto my hand and I climbed back up.

Dadi had called to tell us the weather in Lahore was excruciating. Luckily though, through

out the way back, the sky ws covered with clouds. Perect end to a perfect trip.

..End of year one..

Often people look back an say 'Hey, it wasn't so bad at all'. My thoughts are slightly different; 'Down with the fucking bastards. Rot and burn in hell and i hope the devil farts in your face while you're at it.'(apologies but one needs to be informal for that impact). I have to admit the year has passed rather quickly. I had heard that days spent in jail are long and painful, so i am naturally surprised here. But i guess the pain made up for it. 

I have never in my life seen such incompetence, irrationality, arrogance and lack of organisation. Except ofcource in the government ID card office. The same lack of interest in the work being done, the same unexplained arrogance. Like a clerk who is over-worked and under-paid. I still don't get where the arrogance comes from. I have to admit, the college is teaching us how to face the world because this is what the world is like. Suddenly there is a serious deficiency of air conditioners, everyone is unnecesarily rude to you, you have to stand in line for everything and, most importantly, nobody gives a shit.

I remember the first week so well. The first two days went by with a general excitement that comes with new things. I was prepared to put everything behind me and take Kinnaird up as a challenge. I wore a constant smile, ignoring the shit thrown my way. On the third day came the realisation. It struck me like a knockout punch from a heavy weight boxer who had a special reason to be mad at me. Four years. Four years. Four years.

I will never foget the day i sat near the fountain and cried like the sky was falling. The free bird had to wait a little longer. I just sat and watched from behind the big iron locks with rude guards patrolling and unneccesary rules to keep you in line. This couldn't be right. Couldn't be.

Rules. rules. rules. For every move i made, every word i said, every turn i took. Teachers telling you what to wear, guards telling you where to sit and where to go, aunties telling you what to eat and where to eat it. I was in grade school again. A frown here and an abuse under the breath there and all was fine. Every day i went home thinking 'I won't come tomorrow'. I did though.

I passed the first semester with 3A's, 1B and 1C. Grandma called from pindi, Khala from peshawar, to congratulate me on my great achievements. All I had achieved was a trophy for using 1 brain cell and still passing everything. I just waited for inspiration to come.

I must be blind for I fail to see the bright side. First year is over and i'm at home, knitting mufflers. I'm wishing to attend art lessons but the decision now neatly lies in my Dad's file of all things his daughter isn't allowed to do. *smirk* i'll have my way one day.

" Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be so hard"