Saturday, June 5, 2010

Shaad Ama

After reading books and coming across a multitude of interesting characters, I used to wonder why I don't come across such people in my life. They're all around us though, waiting to be discovered.
Perhaps one of the most interesting people in my life has been Mumtaz or Shimshad ki ami, as we called her. She was one of those people who seem like they have lived an eternity. No one remembers her young, not even my grandmother. She always had old, leathery skin, her thin hair were always matted to her head, her veins always stuck out and she never had a complete set of teeth. She came to my grandmother for work in 1967 and never left until she died on 1st January 2008.
She told me once about the partition and he part she played in it. I don't know anything about her childhood. She must've been a troublesome child. She lived within a Sikh community and till the very end loved them through and through. She recounted how she and others would go to fetch water and take care of the herds. People drowned in local canals and chopped their own hands in feed cutters. The village elders did not allow women to roam around outside their houses without a purpose. It was a good life, she said. Her father worked in Australia and sometimes in Canada (she called it kaneida). According to her, they had plenty of money in a bank and land too. In 1947, however, during the freezing of bank accounts and seizure of land, they lost everything. They stopped in a local village near the border till they found a permanent residence. The village folk were kind and welcomed them to their homes. She, and other girls from the village, used to go together to the canal and washed clothes. The young Mumtaz was always the kind who would never swallow their pride. She'd rather starve then borrow. In the village, there was a common wheel for grinding wheat. The women who owned it was a bitter woman and often talked ill to those who came to ask for it. Mumtaz did not like the attitude and refused to tolerate it. Even though she did not have money, she saved up and bought her own wheel. She told me she happily gave it to anyone who asked for it. After a while, a bus moved her to a new and permanent home.
She came into our lives when she moved to Sultan pura on GT road, where my grandfather and grandmother were living with their three children. I'm told that Mumtaz's four children used to come to our house to study. Later, Mumtaz came into our service as well. My dad was in metric.
When I was born in 1988, she was still there. She loved me and my brothers like her own children. Some of my earliest memories are of going out to buy groceries with Shimshaad ki ama. She was known locally as the women with the red basket. She carried this hideous plastic basket everywhere she went. With one hand she held it and with the other, she held my hand. Together, early in the morning, we went together from shop to shop, buying ration for the day. No matter how many trips to the market she took in a day, I always went with her. We never spoke or had any significant conversation during those trips, but I enjoyed it none the less.
In the summer of 1997, my mother had brain hemorrhage. She survived, but barely, so I rarely got to see her. While my mother and father ran around different hospitals in the whole country, I spent my day and night with my grandmother and Shimshaad ki ama. I'm an early riser, so was Shaad ama. She unfailingly came to our house for work and 7 in the morning. On some days I used to be hungry but everyone was asleep. Under the circumstances, Shaad ama took me to her house. There she made me what I desired. She knew I was missing my mother and consequently did all i demanded. I remember the anda parathas and meetha parathas and what not. I wore shirts then because I was hardly 11 years old. The kids in her neighborhood called me 'kuchay wali larki' (the girl in underwear!)
I was inquisitive about her past and would often ask her where she'd come from. She told me she was her first husband's 4th wife. All his earlier wives had died. I'm told that he was one of the most loving men there ever were. The stories she narrated made me fall in love with this man myself. I had never seen him though. He had died before I was born. When she got married, she instantly became sick and did not recover for another 10 years. She could not even bear her husband any children but he still loved her like a man with infinite dignity. She says she had turned into a ghost. She could not walk or do any work because of her weakness. 10 years on a bed. I can not even begin to imagine. Her husband took her to numerous doctors all over the country but nothing helped. She told me that in her desperation, she had even eaten elephant dung! One day,after many years of sickness, her husband uttered the fatal words 'yeh kia museebat hai'. She suddenly felt unwanted and a burden that had to be removed. She secretly packed her bags in the absence of her husband and went off to the train station to go back to her village. Someone called up her husband and informed him that the sickly Mumtaz had left home and gone off somewhere. He instantly remembered what he had said and could guess where his wife could be. Upon arriving at the train station and searching franticly, he found her, sitting alone on a chair. He begged and pleaded and apologized and brought her back home. When finally she recovered, she promised herself to make up for the 10 years she had lost. I must say she did what she planned.
As I grew up, I saw less and less of her because she and her family moved away. She lived with one of her sons, Shimshaad. She had 3 other sons. She refused to talk to one of them because he hadn't payed her back and was mean to her. She was strong enough to not allow him entry into her house when he called. She was a woman of principles, if something's wrong, it's wrong. I admired that so much about her. Sometimes she used to miss us and would then come over to live with us for a while. I will never forget those short lived days. She, my Grandmother and I used to sleep in one room. We all used to laugh together and so hard that often my parents in the next room would get up and scold us. She used to tell us dirty jokes and I swear I felt my insides would explode. Sometimes she used to make turbans with her dupatta and act as a boy. She would sing and act and tell stories. She had learnt this nonsensical line from somewhere and used o say it often 'Hello the bloody fuck ding ding'. To this day I don't know what it meant. One of the funniest things about her was that she was easily surprised and always on the edge of her seat. She absolutely hated snakes and mice and I sadly knew that. Once I got a toy mouse to scare her and she drove everyone insane till it was thrown out of the house. Whenever anyway scared her by throwing something at her or poking her while she was preoccupied, she swore. Loud and clear. Once she was watching national geographic and there was a show on about snakes. She was sitting inches away from the TV and i saw the perfect opportunity. I threw an empty wrapper at her and off she went, flying at least 6 inches off the seat. The profanities she uttered made me blush.
She had a severe heart problem. Two of her valves were blocked. She didn't care though. 80 years old and she'd get off the sofa faster then me. Her heart problem kept growing though. She didn't lose though. She often had insane fits when she'd fight hard to breathe. She asked me to press her heart in rhythmic beats. For about a minute, she looked like she'd die but a minute later she'd get up and proceed with whatever she was doing, like nothing had happened.
We saw her falling apart though,but she wouldn't admit it. When she went home to her village for the last time, she took to the bed immediately. On her death bed, she was restless. The dog was barking constantly and loudly. She called her son and whispered 'let this dog go, he is not letting the death angel in'. Her son went and set the dog loose. Needless to say she died instantly.
For days i dreamt she was still alive. I missed her, I still miss her. I wish she'd come back and share our laughter and achievements. A few weeks after her death, I made my grandmother call her son up. I demanded that he come to our house and bring a certain thing along. I wanted it in my possession. A few days later, he arrived. I saw in his hand instantly the thing i'd ask for; an ugly, badly stitched, red basket.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

the future lies ahead

I hate giving titles to my stories or to my blogs or to the songs i write. Anyway I just had leftover chinese rice from last night with desi gheeya. Did i mention my taste buds are dead. I can never tell when something tastes good or not. When i eat too much, i come to the conclusion that the food must taste good.
It's summer time and here I am doing nothing again. Watching movies, re-re-discovering Bob Dylan and biting and kicking every one in the house. Convenient how you spend your year making plans of things to do in the summers an then forget them when the summer arrives. I remember I wanted to write a story but the creative writing course last semester has driven me well away from any form of creative writing what so ever, ofcource assuming that this isn't creative. This summer is all about picking up from where i left off. I've started reading Midnight's children again after I lent it to a friend mistakenly after only reading a few chapters. What a good book. Brilliantly done in my opinion, with a hundred million interpretations. Then theres Bob Dylan. I used to hate him as a child because of his rusty crow like voice. And he looked scary too, considering i was only 10. Then I heard the song rolling stones and thought it sounded nice. He still didnt hit me (what a thicko i was). Then, when i was 19, a friend stumbled across an unknown Dylan track, "If you see her, say hello". When i heard the first verse 'She might think i've forgotten her, dont tell her it isnt so', I was in awe. This guy was amazing. I rummaged through my own hard disk and found his greatest hits. And then it happened, I heard "most of the time". I remember how I couldn't stop thinking about how well written the song was. He had to be one of the best song writers EVER. After describing how he's invincible and in control, the tone with which he says 'most of the time' uhh * dies*. He was in my phone, on my mind and in my heart. Another friend made me a CD, entire Dylan collection. Then i found 'Its alright ma, i'm only bleeding' and 'Pawn in their game' and 'north county girl' and 'Highway 61' etc etc. He's so cool with his 'Dont know and dont care' attitude. How he fusses over a glass thrown in the street and messes up his press conferences with the most random answers and how he rarely laughs. I've also come to really adore that girl Joan. She has everything going for her and yet she has that personality that makes you love her no matter who you are. *sigh* moving on
Every summer I think up a tune while I can't sleep at night. Every time I tell myself, I will make a song. |Needless to say I don't. Last night at 3am, I came up with a tune. It sounded okay so I decided to write a song. Usually I do it the other way round but hey. Anyway I'm on it now. Lets see how it goes. I'm constantly comparing myself to Bob Dylan and thinking 'I should quit before I hurt myself'. Considering that, this will be another one of those fruitless summers.
Why is it that young people are so enthusiastic about everything? I feel i never was a teenager. Wonder where that part went. Now I want to help. In anyway I can. Something tells me the enthusiasm is short lived.
I wish to go abroad for post-Grad. But, so does everyone else. I dream about if often. How id be surrounded by books and multi-cultural friends (what a strange dream to have). Id be able to have fun, stay out late, do whatever I want. Seems to good to be true. Probably is even. I can't even sleep alone at night. I'm scared of the dark and I hate standing in line. I'm this over-protected bum, They'll kill me out there. I'm not scared and am willing to learn how to survive on the streets but whose gonna let me. 21 years old and still dreaming about freedom. What a life we Muslim kids lead. Muslims as in born to Muslim parents. Don't get ideas.
I hate relationships and I know I can't work in them. The moment I step into one, I start having second thoughts. I always have one foot out the door. They aren't my thing, I know for sure.
Ive seen a few good movies too. Need to watch Alice in Wonderland though. Heres a list along with rating out of 10.
a. Whisper of the heart (jap anime) 7/10
b. Grave of the fireflies (jap anime) 8/10
c. Wrath of god (german) 7.5/10
d. The other side of the mirror (on Dylan) 6/10
e. Don't look back (on Dylan) 6.5/10
f. Duck soup (Marx brothers) 8.5/10
g. Religulous (Bil Maher) 7.5/10

Still have Russian ark, Le fabuleux destin d'Amelie Poulain, Dr. Strangelove, Amadeus and City lights left. A few more german and Bengali ones. I'm all set for the next one week.
So I have become addicted to this mind rotting game called World of Warcraft. I'm level 41 now, i think. I have died more times then the number of quests i've completed. Pathetic I know. Most of the time My soup is just running around trying to find the corpse. Sometimes I get fed up and ask the spirit healer for help. I'd rather bear with the resurrection sickness. though that too is annoying as hell. I've got a new horse and I can wear plate now which is cool. I have a fear of tanking eventhough thats what I'm supposed to be doing. It's just a fear of leading people. What if I pull too many, what if I cant focus the enemy's attack on myself and some bastards kills the healer. Its only a game I know.
My shoulder hurts. Good bye.